Marginalia Press → this shelf
Secure Love
What long relationships actually run on. 7 guides, 239 pages between them, 132 citations.
The Secure Love shelf
All 7 guides, as a set. Sold separately they come to $123.
What is on it
Open any title for what it promises and what it is built on.
Arguments to Answers
Conflict Scripts for Couples - Cheat-Sheet Edition
You love each other and you keep having the exact same fight. 50+ word-for-word lines organised by the moment you're actually in - spiralling, opening a hard talk, feeling attacked, calling a timeout, repairing - so you never have to improvise mid-argument again. Includes a cut-out fridge card.
Written for: Couples who love each other but keep having the same fight, and want exact words in the moment rather than theory
- 8 sections
- 50+ numbered scripts each with a USE WHEN trigger
- phrases-to-retire table p39
- 20-second reset fridge card p40
- source list p42
$19 · 42 pages · 7 citations · Ebook (script field guide + cut-out fridge card) · on the Secure Love shelf
Inside the book — 4 pages. Tap one to read it.
How to Become More Securely Attached
Attachment styles shift with experience - the honest version
Attachment styles genuinely shift with experience - this is the honest version of how. Two dials instead of four boxes, what each strategy is actually trying to protect, and three skills - catching activation, the honest bid, repair - adapted to the way you lean.
Written for: Adults who recognise themselves in anxious or avoidant patterns and want the research-grade version rather than fifteen-second advice
- 15 chapters in 4 parts
- rough self-location scale
- per-lean chapters (anxious, avoidant, both)
- doing-it-while-single chapter
- when-to-see-a-professional chapter
- nine myths section
- sources p38-40
$19 · 40 pages · 37 citations · Ebook (print-and-write self-location + behavioural experiments) · on the Secure Love shelf
Inside the book — 3 pages. Tap one to read it.
The Open Relationship Starter Kit
Rules, Boundaries & Communication for Ethical Non-Monogamy
Structure and language, not persuasion. Turn a vague intention into concrete agreements: the difference between rules, boundaries and agreements, how to have the opening conversation, and jealousy read as information rather than failure. Six worksheets to fill in together.
Written for: Couples considering or newly opening a relationship who want structure and language rather than persuasion
- 9 chapters in 4 parts
- the rules/boundaries/agreements distinction
- jealousy toolkit
- 6 worksheets p29-34 (values, boundaries, safer-sex agreement, jealousy tracker, weekly check-in, new-connection protocol)
- resources page p36-37
$19 · 37 pages · 7 citations · Ebook + 6 print-and-write worksheets · on the Secure Love shelf
Inside the book — 3 pages. Tap one to read it.
From Partners to Parents
The 10-Minute Connection Method
You still love each other. You've also become an extremely efficient household team. That drift is structural, not personal - a baby makes it so. Fifteen ten-minute habits and a four-week plan to get back to being a couple.
Written for: New parents who still love each other but have become an efficient household team rather than a couple
- 5 parts
- 10-item self check-in with scoring bands
- 15 habits in 5 categories
- 4-week plan
- mental-load, intimacy and fighting-fair sections
- weekly huddle and 7-day tracker worksheets p22-23
- evidence page p24-26 opening with a three-numbers correction box
$14 · 26 pages · 17 citations · Ebook (print-and-write check-in + huddle and tracker worksheets) · on the Secure Love shelf
Inside the book — 2 pages. Tap one to read it.
The 20-Minute Door
How to stop stonewalling - or live well with someone who does
You shut down mid-argument and hate yourself afterwards. Or you live with someone who does. This separates the behaviour everyone sees from the flooding you feel inside, then turns the break into an eleven-line protocol you agree on in peacetime - so it's a break, not an escape.
Written for: People who shut down mid-argument and hate themselves for it afterwards, and the partners who live with someone who does
- 18 chapters in 5 parts
- 4 self-audits p7, p17, p23-24
- the eleven-line break protocol
- pursue-withdraw and softened start-up chapters
- a separate chapter on silence used as control
- 8-week plan p36
- cut-out fridge card p37
- graded source list p38-40
$19 · 40 pages · 29 citations · Ebook (print-and-write audits + 8-week plan + cut-out fridge card) · on the Secure Love shelf
Inside the book — 3 pages. Tap one to read it.
The Small Moments That Decide Everything
Bids for connection, turning toward, and the quiet daily math of whether a relationship lasts
Not in crisis, but you can feel the drift. This takes the famous bids-for-connection research, says plainly which parts of it are oversold, rebuilds it on sturdier ground - and reduces the whole thing to what you do in the two seconds after someone reaches for you.
Written for: Partners who are not in crisis but can feel the drift, and want the mechanism instead of fifteen-second advice
- 6 chapters
- the three doors (toward / away / against)
- an explicit takedown of the 86% and 90-94% divorce-prediction figures
- the emotional bank account
- Gable's four good-news response styles
- repair and gratitude sections
- three reflection questions and a 7-day noticing table p19
- 10-source list p22-23
$14 · 23 pages · 10 citations · Ebook (3 reflection questions + 7-day noticing log) · on the Secure Love shelf
Inside the book — 2 pages. Tap one to read it.
Why You Pull Away When Things Get Good
Understanding avoidant deactivation - the quiet, automatic exit you take right when closeness starts to work
Things get good and you go cold. It isn't coldness - it's an effortful, automatic strategy, and being loved well is the trigger. Here's the ninety-second window where you can catch it happening, and the exact words to use inside it.
Written for: People who lose interest exactly when a relationship starts working, plus the partner trying to understand it
- 11 chapters
- Bowlby's defensive exclusion
- suppression physiology after Gross
- the seven exits
- 28-question audit in four scored sections p14-17
- the why-good-is-the-trigger chapter
- catching it live
- scripts
- a chapter for the partner
- earned security
- references p29-30
$19 · 31 pages · 25 citations · Ebook (print-and-write 28-question audit + prompts) · on the Secure Love shelf
Inside the book — 2 pages. Tap one to read it.